Copywriting Lies 101: Disingenousness Ahoy!

by The NightOwl



I wrote this article while putting together the salespage for my:

"Kicked in the Bollocks Bundle Sale"

The problem was that I just came out and stated the price in the first paragraph! OMG!

Yeah, yeah, I know, first I should...

lies copywriters use

  • lead with a benefit-driven headline and talk about you, the prospect, not me(!)

  • then introduce myself by saying "Dear Friend" or something equally as disingenuous and used car salesman-like

  • then pretend to empathise with your problems (also known as "twisting the knife with puppy dog eyes and a concerned look on my face")

  • then explain in envy-eliciting detail how I'm "just like you, man"; that "I know how it feels". How I went from eating moss that I'd scraped off pond rocks to swimming in pools full of caviar and being hand-fed peeled grapes by Claudia Schiffer

  • then build some credibility by telling you how amazingly awesome, tougher and smarter and richer and did I mention awesomer than Chuck Norris I am. (Mentioning that I've "been online since 1996" appears to work pretty well right now. Why 1996 I'm not sure. Seems to work, though.)

  • Actually, it's better if I can get some of my JV partners (who stand to benefit by sending their unsuspecting lists this way) to gush about how much more awesomer than Chuck Norris I am in the form of... Testimonials! Now that's the ticket

  • Note: Screenshots of ClickBank accounts (genuine, doctored or fabricated; it doesn't matter) seem to go down a treat at this point

  • then I should outline all the amazing benefits to you with lengthy (blind) bullet lists that don't actually tell you anything but are instead designed to make your curiosity button pulse like a strobe light at an Aphex Twin gig

  • then rev up the guarantee and tell you how you can't lose because I offer a guarantee as long as the Cretaceous Period, and that I'll even throw in my grandmother and a case of gin! My no risk stamp of security

  • then hype, hype hype the offer insanely so that I can print prices that I know full well my package would never sell for all with strikethroughs across them (a la  $197 ,  $97 , etc) until we hit the actual price in size 20 red font

  • oh, but of course, I can only reveal the price to you after comparing it the cost of not taking me up on my offer (by using scare tactics and suggesting that your willy will fall off if you don't buy RIGHT NOW!) And then saying something naff like it's "just a drop in the ocean". Perhaps mention lattes here. Pictures of lattes are even better

  • then come the scarcity lies. "There are only 10 (of this digital product) left! Quick, before they sell out! This product will never be sold again ever, like, even though the footer on this site says 1994! Ignore that and my obvious wool-pulling and buy, buy, BUY NOW!" So any old lie about scarcity will suffice here. Anything is good. Anything at all

  • Then I need to paint a woeful painful picture of your sad and lonely and pathetic life without whatever I'm selling (just in case you missed it in all the other places I twisted the knife throughout the salesletter)

  • And then some P.S. points re-stating the lies about scarcity and twisting the knife just a few more times for good measure.

Or something more or less like that, right?

Ahhh-- ya gotta luv it, dontcha!

Best regards,

TheNightOwl




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